7 Useful Items to Keep in Your Bag

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Look, the world is a scary place. We all know that by now. A terrible event could befall any of us at a random moment and cause untold misery and shame. While ing doesn’t have the power to make all of the world’s threats go away, we do think preparation can help alleviate some of the world’s dangers. If you keep your backpack stocked with useful items, you’ll be able to tackle any challenge that comes your way. I’m an extremely prepared individual, so I think my own backpack will serve as an ideal example. Take my lead; I’ll set you free from worry. (As an aside: No, we are not sponsored by Adidas.)


  1. A Pencil

I know, this isn’t exactly a radical suggestion. However, it would be careless of me to ignore such an important and versatile item. I won’t amuse you with a list of the many tasks a pencil can perform, but you should make sure you have one (or a few) packed away. Also, be sure to sharpen your standard pencils and refill your mechanical ones!


  1. An Umbrella

Unfortunately, we can’t always trust the local news channel’s word when it comes to the weather. The last thing anyone needs is to get caught in a thunderstorm without some form of cover. Rather than carry an umbrella on a case-by-case basis, you should keep it on your person at all times. I store mine in a pocket meant for a water bottle.


  1. A Deck of Cards

Let’s say you’re in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. Your phone has died, there isn’t a television anywhere, other patrons have taken all of the magazines, you forgot your new favorite book at home, and the only interesting item in your car is a Michigan Atlas and Gazetteer from the year 2000. When all hope is lost, what should you do? Play some solitaire, of course! As long as you have a flat surface, you can start a game and feel your boredom melt away.


Cards could come in handy in other situations as well. You never know when you might need to placate rowdy family members with a game of euchre or win an important item in a high-stakes poker match. Seeing as cards take up so little space, can you really justify forgoing them?


  1. A 5-Pack of Ramen

Imagine, if you will, the dreaded moment when you acquire a sense of ravenous hunger midway through the day. It often kills your desire to pay attention in class and turns the remainder of the day into a tedious slog. As such, it’s a good idea to keep some sort of snack in your bag. Why settle for something minor like carrot sticks or a candy bar when you could instead have several packs of ramen? The noodles themselves are easy to prepare and taste decent enough, and if you buy a large pack you won’t have to constantly restock your bag.


What should you do if you don’t have access to a pot, stove, or water? Well, isn’t that the question of the day?


  1. A Windows 98 User Manual

I can’t even begin to describe how many times people have asked me to repair their Windows 98 machines in the past year alone, and I’m sure you feel the same way. After the first dozen incidents, I decided to keep this guidebook on my person at all times. This particular manual offers basic information on how to set up and utilize a new Windows 98 desktop PC. It doesn’t have information on advanced functions or some problematic error messages, but it still serves as a great starting point. Be sure to pack yours before your next trip outdoors, since you never know when it might come in handy. Don’t be like my friend Bobby, who said the booklet is “extremely situational at best” and referred to it as “a worthless stack of paper that most people threw away in the summer of 1998.”


Bobby and I don’t talk much these days.


  1. A Copy of Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards

Honestly, this one is so self-explanatory that I won’t even dignify it with an explanation.


  1. A Cat

Sometimes, you just gotta cuddle something. You likely won’t have access to a loved one if you’re out and about, and you can’t simply cuddle a random person unless you plan to spend some time in a jail cell. When you find yourself in such a situation, it’s time to let the cat out of the bag! Literally! Cats are an ideal cuddle supplement, as they provide fluff, warmth, and a ton of squish in a portable package. Keep a cat with you at all times and administer as many cuddles as needed. Then just stuff the cat into the backpack once again, as there’s no way that could go wrong.


Final Thoughts


Well, I hope my list proved useful! Follow my advice, and you’ll never have to worry about an inconvenient situation ever again. Well, unless a meteor randomly collides with the planet. That’s the one situation I haven’t managed to plan for yet. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen. Maybe we should play some solitaire to take our minds off it.


Timothy Snyder is a senior studying professional writing. The writing process takes up much of his time, whether it’s for school, work, or recreation. He uses his remaining free time to play video games, cultivate spicy peppers in his garden, and solve rudimentary problems through programming.

Tags: backpacks, bags, life hacks, satire, school survival, useful tips