Black Friday Is Back

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Like a biblical swarm of locusts, Black Friday has come to blot out the sun and wreak havoc upon the greater East Lansing area once again. While some may be inclined to relax, jamming their faces full of turkey while watching television, others don the uniform of a true patriot: a fanny pack rippling at its fluorescent zipper, bubbling with once in a lifetime ads clipped from Sunday coupon flyers. These post-Thanksgiving heroes risk their well-being and sleep schedules to snap up deals that the average Americans only dreams of: plasma television sets, video game consoles, and Hollywood blockbuster DVDs, all for tens (but usually only ones) of dollars under their normally listed retail value.

To truly understand this multi-faceted cultural gathering, ing Magazine has sent a handful of its trusted reporters to Black Friday’s ground zero: Meridian Mall. Here at ing we have one question: what does Black Friday mean to you?

Local Black Friday crusader Carolyn Henderson said, “There’s all sorts of things Black Friday could mean, but who the heck really knows? I’m just trying to get out of here all limbs intact, with that sweet feeling of accomplishment that comes with obtaining a 40% off holiday scented cologne bundle.”  Not far from Mrs. Henderson, in a line that spanned the breadth of Michigan Avenue (the culprit of several grisly accidents), ing reporters posed the same question to a Mr. Edward West. West said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I come to the mall this early every day. I’m not sure what all this hullabaloo is about.” ing reporters attempted to jog his memory. Terms like Thanksgiving, Black Friday and the NFL were mentioned, all of which Mr. West shrugged off with, “never heard of ‘em.'”

Perhaps Mr. West is right, maybe this time of year is best ignored in lieu of more important things. Instead of camping out weeks in advance beside the Best Buy in Okemos, we should all take solace in the little things this holiday season. . . Things like spending time with our families, an evening without internet, making our own soap from rendered goat fat or building a fallout shelter for the impending doomsday.