How to Bail on Your Roomate

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Ah, yes. It’s the middle of the semester and you’re finally getting used to those community bathrooms or having to pay for laundry in your apartment complex. But the one thing you’re not getting used to? The person who’s sleeping in the bed (or bedroom) next to yours. Lucky for you, it’s already time to figure out where you’ll be living next year, and you see a way out — a light at the end of the tunnel! But how exactly do you drop the I’m-ditching-you-for-someone-else bomb? Here are five suggestions for how to say “sayonara!” to your roommate, before they can rope you into staying another year.

  1.       Leave a passive-aggressive note on the mirror.

 

Dear Roomie,

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of thinking it might probably be best if we possibly lived in separate places next year … Hope you have a great day! 🙂 xoxo

 

We all know the roommate confrontation that comes in the form of a passive-aggressive sticky note left on the bathroom mirror. If you want to get the sentiment across without having to speak face-to-face, this is the option for you! Just don’t be surprised if you get an aggressive aggressive one in return.  

  1.       Better yet, send them a Facebook message.

 

Who checks their Facebook anymore? If you want to avoid confrontation altogether, this option almost guarantees that your roommate won’t see it until they remember to log back into their account, which could be, like, February for all you know. And by that time, your lease for next year will have already been signed, and it’ll be too late. Oh, well.  

  1.       Send them an Insomnia cookie cake.

 

If you want your roommate to thank you for deciding to ditch them next year, try buying them a cookie cake from Insomnia with a heartwarming, personalized message to break the news. Or you could send them one of those singing telegrams to really make them feel like a special roommate. Either way, they’ll be too busy stuffing their face or singing along to be angry at you.  

  1.       “It’s not you, it’s me.”

 

When in doubt, blame it on yourself: I’m just a light sleeper, so I accidentally wake up when you come stumbling in drunk at 3 a.m. I just have sensitive ears, so I naturally lose focus on my homework when you and your S.O. are “hanging out” in the other room. I’m just not really a fan of Celine Dion, so I’d personally prefer to live somewhere where my roommate isn’t singing “My Heart Will Go On” at the top of their lungs in the shower. It’s nothing you’re doing — that’s just the way I am.

  1.       “Actually, it is you.”

 

So you forgot amidst the stress of having to figure out your housing in October that you still have seven more months with this person — PANIC!!! Looks like you’ll have to take the “mature” route, in which case the best thing to do is just be honest. Be proactive and tell your roommate right away when you know you’ll be moving on solo to avoid miscommunication. That way, it’ll be as amicable as possible for the rest of the year, and who knows? Maybe by May, you’ll be wishing you were going to be roommates again next year … But probably not.  

 

Grace Beltowski is a junior studying professional writing with a focus in editing and publishing and a minor in creative writing, so she really does not like to read or write. Her many talents include making chocolate chip pancakes, stalking her favorite YA authors on Instagram and scaring people with her inflatable dinosaur costume.

Tags: apartments, bad roommates, college roommates, funny, housing, MSU, roommates