We’re not talking about the 25 cent notebooks from Walmart, kids.
School is starting again, so listen up. Another semester means another chance to live your best life. While everyone loves a good Five Star notebook, there are other essentials you need to pick up that won’t be discounted in the school supplies aisle each August. Here’s your list of necessities:
An older friend
Money can’t buy you happiness or love. But your older friends can buy you alcohol! And that’s almost the same thing. The first thing on your rogue list of school supplies should definitely be an upperclassman buddy or two; they can help you out with the rest of the list.
A place to hide your ~belongings~
When your parents take you to Target to buy dorm furniture, inspect each item carefully. Does the mini-fridge have a freezer? Does the TV come with a remote that will work all the way from your lofted bed? Most importantly, do your ottomans have storage space, or does your futon have a secret compartment in it? (Yes, they exist). There isn’t an RA in the world who would crawl under your futon to search for the source of that Burnett’s scent.
…and belongings to hide
Call up that older friend from item one. Ask them if they have a car, and are they willing to take you to Meijer? Remind them to bring their I.D. Be unafraid to appear as if you’re using them for their age and transportation, because you are, right?
Or, a fake I.D.
If you’re really committed or if your friends are all way older than you, skip items 1-3 and give this one a shot. (Ha ha, shot, get it?)
Either your roommate is being really annoying, or you’re feeling the effects from my first few suggestions. Whatever the reason, Advil is here for you.
Clothes for any occasion
Expect the unexpected! A beach party in October? Sure thing! Pull out the grass skirts and leis that you’ve been storing for this very event.
I don’t care who you are. There is no shame in admitting that one-ply is a pitiful excuse for toilet paper—it hurts.
A white board to hang in the bathroom
For those days (weeks, months) when your roommates refuse to clean, resort to passive aggressive, easily erasable messages to get your point across.
Do I really need to explain this one?
Tupperware to “borrow” food from the caf
Sometimes, the caf seems too far away from your lofted bed. Maybe you enjoy the exhilaration of stealing food you already paid for. Whatever it is, be sure to have some containers in your dorm to store the 20 cookies you take from Brody.
And finally, the most important addition to this list: sweatpants. These will become the most versatile article of clothing in your annoyingly small closet. Wear them to class, lunch, office hours, the gym, the pajama party and then to bed. They never go out of style.
Once you have everything on this checklist, you’re good to go. Enjoy the school year!
Danielle Schwartz is a junior studying English and professional writing. When she’s not writing or taking pictures of her dog, you can usually find her eating a veggie burger or drinking English Breakfast tea. See her dog pics on Instagram at @danielleeilleen.