Things We Wish Were Made for Women

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Back in February of this year, the world briefly believed that PepsiCo was going to develop “Lady Doritos”—chips with less orange dust and less crunchy loudness for your delicate, feminine pleasure.

When asked if a female version of Doritos was in the works, PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi’s responded:

“It’s not a male and female as much as, ‘Are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon. For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.”

……………Okay, Nooyi. We’re picking up what you’re putting down. Bic for Her wasn’t satisfying enough, and we need to step our game up. If you aren’t a lady chips kind of gal, maybe you’ll enjoy our list of things we wish existed for women’s enjoyment:

  • The Oval Office’s desk chair
  • Tampons equipped with superhero powers
  • Fortnite for Her
  • A wine that delays menstruation
  • Equal rights
  • Narcissist-proof earplugs
  • Action movies with decent plots (“chick flicks” get boring sometimes, okay???)
  • Freedom to do what we want with our bodies
  • Haircuts that don’t cost upward of $70

Cassidy Johncox is a senior studying professional writing with a focus in editing and publishing. When she isn’t working, you can find her reading, writing, or playing video games (…mostly video games).

Tags: lady doritos, satire, women's products