Hello! My name is Dan. I’ve switched my major seven times—and no, I’m not kidding. If you’ve discovered that you need a change, that each time you’re in the lecture hall you don’t belong there, that business or psychology or chemistry is not in fact what you want to do for the next 50 years or so, you’ve come to the right place. As an experienced veteran of indecisiveness and existential dread surrounding the tens of thousands of dollars I’m investing (gambling?) into my future, I’m here to tell you that everything is going to be okay. At least you can make it appear that way by following these simple steps:
Lie to yourself
Don’t reflect on who you are, what you want or where you think you want to be in five years. I mean, it’s just your entire life on the line! NBD
Lie to everyone else
Tell your parents you can’t wait for the future, and med school/law school/grad school/the workforce. Let them live vicariously through your make-believe happiness and success. They probably need that.
Consider who this decision is really about
Your parents think that while your art degree will make for a nice hobby on the weekends, you’ll definitely need to have a plan B (or plan A, for that matter). Since we all know that they’re right (they must know more about your major than you do) and that this BIG LIFE CHOICE is really about them and their feelings and opinions and futures and livelihoods, deeply consider what they’re saying to you and keep at it with that pre-med thing you’ve got goin’ on. Brain surgery is a lot like painting, anyway.
Skip your classes
What the hell, they don’t matter anymore anyway! Use your new 10-15 hours of free time to complete all the other steps.
Do your homework, but do it drunk
Wash away your sorrows and even your boredom with a subject that you probably hate! Side effects include the inability to complete your work, incoherent discussion posts (what’s new?) and an increase in apathy. But you know that.
Walk aimlessly around campus to avoid D2L/email/every other form of communication possible from your professors and peers
This is something that takes practice. At first, the knowledge that people are trying to talk to you about important things from all corners of campus will eat you alive, but it gets easier the further you walk. Once you convince yourself that exercise and “self-care” are just as important as schoolwork, you’ll achieve the perfect zen that comes with avoiding your responsibilities. Like Nike says, just do it.
Switch your major like 10 times
Keep going! One is bound to be right!
Maybe make your way to an advisor
Look at that! That long walk led you right to where you need to be. Talk to someone who knows how to deal with your problems. It might help you get your shit together.
Danielle Schwartz is a senior studying English and professional writing. When she’s not writing or taking pictures of her dog, you can usually find her eating a veggie burger or drinking Irish Breakfast tea. Check out her dog pics on Instagram at @danielleeilleen.