Who’s the real swine? A short-short story by Ben Lin

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Here he comes.

I know he’s coming.

I hear the sirens, and when I look in the rear view mirror I can see the flashing red and blue clear as anything.

I’m being profiled again. I know I’m being profiled.

I sigh because this is routine. Just another day. Just another casual drive in my car with the same blaring sirens encroaching behind me.

The same … sirens …

Yes, I hear you! I’ve pulled over! Are you happy? Can we get this over with?

A stout man with scratchy stubble poking out of his lump of a chin steps out of the car. He’s coming over with his flashlight because it’s dark as hell outside right now. I take these few seconds to take in some good, deep breaths and calm myself down. This is my life. I’m not mad. I’m not mad.

Maybe if I keep on saying it it’ll become true.

I can only pound that thought in my head a few dozen times before I’m squinting my eyes at the flood of an incoming light.

“Holy crap …”

I’m not fazed by the exclamation. I mean, I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I’m definitely not fazed. I sigh.

“Look, officer, what’s going on? Was I speeding or … ?”

“Holy bologna!”

I clear my throat, holding back some choice words I’d very much like to say right now.

“Could you tell me what’s going on?”

“You’re a pig.”

I can feel a migraine coming on. I scrunch my snout and roll my eyes. How many times has someone told me this? You’re a pig. Yes, right, I’m a pig!

I manage a smile.

“That’s correct, yes. Was I speeding, though? Was I breaking any laws?”

“You’re a pig.”

“Yes, all right, I am.”
“How are you a pig?”

“I dunno. I mean, I guess my parents were pigs, so it just sort of worked out that way. Listen, could you just tell me what this is all about? Why’d you pull me over?”

“Because you’re a pig.”

Didn’t I say it? Profiling! My crime is being a pig! I wag a hoof at him.

“That is profiling and specesiist, and I resent that!”

I snort. I’m not letting this go now.

“Let me tell you. Do you know about the hierarchy of this society? Do you know about your human privilege? You probably don’t. See, you all can drive and go to school and get jobs no problem. What about us, though? I didn’t have the same opportunities as you people. I had to work to be sitting in this driver’s seat. Do you think that’s fair? Do you even care?”

“But … You’re a pig … How can you even drive?”

I grunt and start my car.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m done. I’ve been oppressed enough for one day. Goodbye!”

I lean forward, front hooves on the wheel, back hooves slamming the gas.

For a pig in a man’s world, you have to watch your back. If you’re not careful, they’ll eat you alive.